As parents we are constantly worried and second guessing ourselves over just about every decision we have to make. I knew early on that my oldest son was not your textbook child. I could never anticipate how he would react to any situation. It took me much longer than I like to admit to take the next step. The thought of labeling him was heartbreaking to me.
Most toddlers can easily be redirected and distracted. That was not Owen. He would have the biggest meltdowns over the smallest things. I vividly remember one of his worse tantrums was because I turned the car off when we came home and the song on the radio was not over. I now know that it was not him purposely being defiant, but a sign of his OCD-Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.
His impulsiveness and emotional outbursts were the hardest to deal with. He knew right from wrong, and yet he would immediately react to a situation. Then, he would get so upset with himself after he regained control and calmed down. We would talk and reflect on how to handle the situation next time along with consequences. Yet, the end result still remained the same. He was frustrated with himself as much as we were with how to help him. Everything we tried did not make a difference.
I had numerous conferences with his 1st grade teacher. He would get so emotional in class, not finishing work, not staying in his seat, could not stop one activity to move to the next, etc. All I could say was I don’t know what to do anymore. I was completely opposed to medication. I just knew he would be a zombie and everyone would see it as me taking the easy way out instead of disciplining my child.
Then it happened, I watched him get so overwhelmed and upset that he repeatedly started punching himself in the face. In that moment, I realized that I needed help. We could not continue down the path we were on.
The next day I called his pediatrician. After questionnaires, surveys, and conferencing with him, she determined that he is ADHD/ADD( attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder) and OCD. Together we set up an intervention plan for him. Adequate sleep, better nutritional habits, more time outside, coping strategies, and medication were all topics of discussion. He is now on the lowest dose of medication and the goal is to teach him self coping strategies wean him off medication by the time he enters middle school.
¨Treatment includes, first of all, education. MAKE SURE the child and parent understand this is not a “deficit disorder,” but rather a condition that can be associated with tremendous success. I have millionaires and billionaires in my practice. There are numerous Academy Award winners who have ADD, Pulitzer Prize winners, CEO’s, Nobel Prize winners, Generals, Admirals, world class chefs, and leaders in every field who have ADD. The real disabilities are shame, fear, and believing you are a loser.¨ -Ned Hallowell.
Ned Hallowell is a child and adult psychiatrist and the founder of the Hallowell Center for Cognitive and Emotional Health in Sudbury, Mass., and New York City, and was a member of the faculty of the Harvard Medical School. He is the author of a number of books, including, with co-author John Ratey, “Driven to Distraction,” “Answers to Distraction,”and “Delivered from Distraction.” He also co-authored, with Peter S. Jensen, “Superparenting for ADD.”
I wanted to share our journey to encourage any parent that may be struggling with this to please call your pediatrician. Answers are so much better than not knowing. I went to a conference with Owen’s second grade teachers Thursday and it was such a drastic difference from the year before. We had nothing to talk about because he’s overall doing well, so I cried happy tears all the way home.
¨To be clear: undiagnosed and untreated, ADD can ruin a life. It can ruin school, ruin childhood, ruin a career, ruin a marriage, ruin everything. The prisons, the halls of the addicted and unemployed, the multiply divorced, the depressed, and the people who attempt and complete suicide, all are over-represented by ADD.
But, so are the people who change the world for the better: the entrepreneurs, the entertainers, the innovators, the visionaries, and the creatively gifted in all fields.¨ Ned Hallowell
